Matt and Nat – Mouse Story

scary funny mouse

Matt and Nat are funnier than you and slowly realizing that living with a lady/gent (that you are not sleeping with) makes you realize how much the opposite sex really does suck. Pick your side…but if you pick Matt’s you’re wrong. Just saying.

Nat says: Call me old-fashioned, but when there is a fucking mouse in your apartment, your male roommate shouldn’t be the one to jump on the couch and scream like a little pussy when it scurries past their feet right?


I thought that was one of the perks of living with a dude. I get to be the only who is allowed to act emotionally reckless for no apparent reason…while the male roommate kills the shit out of the mouse. And then I get to call him a heartless murderer when he drops the poor lifeless body of Fernando (I get to name the mouse, too) into a Tupperware container. Not the other way around.

And yet here I am, throwing out this perfectly good Tupperware container, because my male roommate is too much of a little bitch to properly handle the masculine killing of a mouse. I guess this is what the feminist movement was all about.
Guess whose doing the dishes tonight then, bitch.

Matt says: Call me proactive, but when there’s a freakin’ mouse in your apartment, as the male resident I feel like it’s my responsibility to help not only equality but the female resident move her sex forward.

Don’t scowl at me ladies.

What? I’m not allowed to open a door for you anymore, but I still have to kill mice for you. Mice named Stuart. Stuart Nat. Not stupid mice named Fernando. It’s not the Spanish janitor that lives upstairs who you have a creepy crush on because you love a man with a mop.

So I made you kill a mouse. You’re the only one holding back feminism by crying about the dead mouse after you killed it.

What you should have done was killed it, played with it and cooked it for dinner. Like a man. Like equality.

So ladies, if a man makes you do something, it’s because he’s thinking of you.

For the record, Matt and Nat are not sleeping together, despite sharing a flat in NYC. But gosh darn it, they would make some cute ass babies.


  • coley

    douchebag jar, Matt.