Being your average, ordinary everyday bad ass, I have used many a bathroom in my time. Be it for the intricacies of wash closet architecture or for secluded enclaves to woo buck toothed hookers, I’ve enjoyed them all, in one way or another. Though, mostly for pissing, shitting …and prostitutes.
One such occasion was during a birthday celebration, for a Moroccan princess. It was a moving party that happened to end up in a garish nightclub. The kind with copious amounts of booze, easy women and brain numbing club music.
It was in this setting that my over indulgence of wine, women and diarrhea inducing Indian food, got the better of me. Excusing myself from the princess’s company, I quickly found my way to the nearest men’s room.
Entering in great haste, I scrambled to the nearest stall, slammed the door and…(ahem) “downloaded my software”. Soon after, I became aware of female voices. They had apparently entered after I did. What they were doing in the men’s room? I didn’t know. So, I listened to their conversation to find out.
Apparently, women discuss boring shit in bathrooms. It’s basically “tampon this” and “high heels that” or so I gather…I wasn’t really paying attention. Then, their conversation topic turned to “a hot guy” who was “drinking by the bar”. Intriguing indeed.
Weighing the facts, I came to the most obvious, logical conclusion. These women had entered the men’s room to seduce me. Me being me of course…who could blame them? Naturally, situations like these being “old hat” to a sexual dynamo as myself, I discarded my pants and underwear and exited the stall proclaiming, “Ladies, your man is here…”
I learned two things upon exiting that stall, one, his was not a men’s room and two, two women screaming can be heard above club music.
My advice to you: Pay attention to signs, because if you miss the wrong one, it could end with an “indecent exposure” charge.
Elton, a steamy sexual dynamo, is a comedy writing loser from Pennsylvania. He’s the author of several failed attempts at books, cartoons and occasionally writes articles at Funnyordie for Will Ferrell to ignore. You can check out more of his pants shittingly funny mumbling at Elton Says Things (his super tits blog!) What that means…he doesn’t even know.