Population Perspective – Wall Beat Journal

by Natalie Wall

That time has come. The population of Earth reached a staggering 7 billion people last Monday and let’s be honest, we can all agree that that’s 6 billion to many.

While many (white people) see this as a huge success, reality has proven that this number may actual have a grim reality. Natural resource sustainability slowly dwindling in many areas of the world and obstruction of such habitats makes some wonder how many people the world can actually accommodate.

“We have to consume in more sustainable ways, but also we have to produce in more sustainable ways,” said Michael Herrmann, an adviser on population and economics with the UNFPA according to Globalpost.com.

Which leaves Earth with only one real solution: a zombie apocalypse. Not only would the world’s natural habitats be able to thrive once again, but we would no longer have to worry about food production in areas that need it the most. Seeing as we, the human population, would be the most readily available food resource.

Allowing Earth to kill two birds with one stone: saving the worlds natural resources while drastically reducing the world’s unsustainable population. Nature versus nurture. And yes, nature always wins.

Your only real worries now would be staving off the said ravenous zombie apocalypse rather than worrying about the rapid influx of the earth’s dangerously high population count. “We have to change the way we’re consuming and producing,” said Ethiopian Daniel Gad is a former AT&T senior executive in Seattle who returned to his home country in 2003 to invest in local food production, according to Globalpost.com. “The world is reaching limits.”

So, yes. The rumors are true. It is time, world. It is time we start consuming each other.

 

Hate by Numbers: Afro Bomber – Gladstone

Gladstone just loves to give the press a hard time, and who can blame him? Though I think he gives CNN a little more credit than they deserve. I see some frizzy Jewish hair going on with Mr. Gladstone, he might be hiding something under there…

Imaginary F**king with Megan Lent – Wolverine

Imaginary Fucking with Megan Lent – Part 4 of 4

See part 1 and part 2 and part 3 of this series.

I think everyone has at least one fictional or deceased person who they’d absolutely love to bang. I have many. I know that this is weird concept. I also know that I like it. It’s like vaginas; they look like little aliens, but I still like having one. Of course, for breakfast this morning, I dipped powdered sugar donuts in a Go Girl. Just because I like something, doesn’t make it normal.

I know what you’re thinking. The answer is no. No, I do not want to fuck Hugh Jackman. I do not want to fuck Stan Lee. I want to fuck Wolverine. He has claws for fingers that I think would feel really good skimming my face, and he’d be really useful for slicing the skin of off my apples and the crusts off of my bread. He’s trustworthy and rugged and always saying things like, “I like to smoke and Canada and claws and cool.” I saw Captain America, and Chris Evans was pretty hot (or, at least hot enough for me to have a dream about visiting a Billy Joel-themed amusement park with him and my mother), but no other comic book hero gets me all hot and bothered quite like Wolverine does. I tried to explain this to a male friend once, and he basically told me I was crazy. He later told me he had a childhood infatuation with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson, which is, actually, the exact same thing.

Think about it: most children who got on the Olson train dismounted after the twins’ finished up their straight-to-VHS series of mysteries and musical beach parties, which ultimately gave way to a very pathetic attempt at an actual film career. Not this guy. No, he followed their careers. He bought hats from their fashion line. He saw New York Minute four times in theatres. The Olson twins had a raw talent, which was simultaneously enhanced and mined by corrupt powers. The only way to achieve their true essence was to destroy their humanity, thus forming strange, otherworldly beings, who were followed and worshipped by the gays, the mentally unstable, and the socially outcast – segments of society usually drawn in by tales of a band of mutants. Wolverine’s pure strength was brought to its highest, adamantium-induced glory, but at the hands of evil scientists, thus turning him into something that was simultaneously the highest form of man and a completely inhuman creature.

In other words, Mary-Kate and Ashley are fucking X-men.

About the Ranter:

Megan_Lent

 

Megan Lent

Megan Lent is a wonderfully unsuccessful blogger who likes to whine about literature at http://apostrophetothestars.blogspot.com/, and occasionally contributes to the steamy world of small-press fiction at Metazen and Housefire. She was the 62nd best speller in California in eighth grade, and used to run a brothel out of her parents’ house in Chicago. She lives in LA.

What I’m missing since I don’t watch reality TV

I don’t know what show this is, or who he is quoting. I just know this qualifies as a comedy rant. You’re welcome.

Act More Like Dogs

be a dog rantThis is the South. We don’t need no cats. We need to act like dogs. Or something.

Rainbows and Sperrys Ruin Futures of College Freshmen

See how Rainbows and Sperrys ruin the futures of college freshmen, and how one young man is standing up for wanna-be “frat stars” everywhere.

Louis CK Honors George Carlin

Louis CK speaks about George Carlin and the inspiration George had on his career. This was shot at a tribute ceremony for George Carlin at the New York Public Library in March of 2010. The intro is by George’s daughter, Kelly Carlin, who has been doing a lot of work supporting the comedy community and honoring her Dad.

 

 

The Story Behind The Eli Porter Battle

Eli Porter Documentary

If you only see one doc this year, it should be this one about the infamous Eli Vs. Envy rap battle. It does not disappoint. In fact, it is more than I could have ever hoped for. Drama, never before discussed insights, opposing expert opinions and insider interviews. And controversy, oh the controversy..about the rap battle of the century (in my mind), about the technical aspects of this now internationally known student produced closed circuit production, about the famous silences in Eli’s delivery, and about the rumors concerning sexuality of the cast and talent. Producers Walker Warren and Trent Babbington have created a masterwork of music history in Eli Porter Documentary: The Story Behind The Eli Porter Battle which you cannot possibly miss. Stay tuned for the release of part two, where we will learn more about the true victor of the people, Eli Porter.

If you have not seen the world’s biggest upset in closed circuit student produced and judged rap competitions, see it (below) before this documantary.

The Original Iron Mic: Eli Porter vs. Envy: