Hannibal Buress Gets Upset Easily

hannibal buress 2

Hannibal Buress plays The Punchline in Atlanta Friday, Oct. 21 and Sat the 22nd.  Buress is a stand up comedian from Chicago who currently resides in New York City. He’s appeared on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen, and Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham. He’ll also be appearing in the upcoming documentary “The Awkward Kings of Comedy” He isn’t really awkward though. Sometimes he is. http://hannibalhannibal.tumblr.com/

“If Steven Wright, Mos Def and Dave Chappelle had a baby, that would be disgusting, but it would sound like Hannibal Buress. The funniest young comic I’ve seen in years.” – Chris Rock

 

Museum of Morgan – Said I Loved You But I Lied

Navigating The Music Video Landscape
Video: “Said I Loved You But I Lied”
Artist: Michael Bolton
Year: 1993
 

Remember music videos? A now long lost art form thanks to MTV2 programming such as “Jersey Shore,” “16 & Pregnant” and “Teen Mom.” Now – we slink away into the internet searching for our fix. On YouTube lies all of the nostalgia that comes with lip syncing and staring directly into the camera (or away for dramatic effect.) I just so happen to love the bad ones. 

Far before you hipsters thought he was cool because he crested the high seas with The Lonely Island on the track “Jack Sparrow” … Michael Bolton was the stuff of adult contemporary mom dreams. Armed with enough squinting to merit a contact lense prescription, hair cascading from his scalp like a hunky hero from a romance novel and a wardrobe provided exclusively from the Natural Wonder store at a mall circa 1994, this video provides a perfect example of why the midlife ladies used to swoon.

michael-bolton-liedI have to be honest, I had no idea that Michael Bolton cared so much about nature. The video is set across the glorious landscape of Phoenix, Arizona. On first glimpse you may have thought that the video was an early inspiration for the Disney classic “The Lion King.” There are several points here where Sultry Voice McGee sings directly into a circling helicopter shot. A shot that almost screams “Circle Of Life.” But the landscape alone doesn’t even scratch the surface on the natural beauty the video expresses. It’s littered with shots of clouds passing by (I believe to show us this is a dream.) There are horses, hawks and semi naked women galore. And my oh my the fire … there is fuck tons of unnecessary fire. I often say to myself when watching this video. “Be careful horses! Watch out for that fire!”

Our crooner broodingly wanders through this setting recalling the memory of a long lost love. Much of that memory is her, a beautiful model, making out with him while splayed across the boulders of the Arizona desert wearing nothing but a silk sheet. Any shot of her is purely in black and white, to represent that she is his past. A memory never to be forgotten. He moves along, like a ghost, remembering this beautiful woman. And as he does he tricks us with the lyrics. [Read more...]

Imaginary F**king with Megan Lent – Wolverine

Imaginary Fucking with Megan Lent – Part 4 of 4

See part 1 and part 2 and part 3 of this series.

I think everyone has at least one fictional or deceased person who they’d absolutely love to bang. I have many. I know that this is weird concept. I also know that I like it. It’s like vaginas; they look like little aliens, but I still like having one. Of course, for breakfast this morning, I dipped powdered sugar donuts in a Go Girl. Just because I like something, doesn’t make it normal.

I know what you’re thinking. The answer is no. No, I do not want to fuck Hugh Jackman. I do not want to fuck Stan Lee. I want to fuck Wolverine. He has claws for fingers that I think would feel really good skimming my face, and he’d be really useful for slicing the skin of off my apples and the crusts off of my bread. He’s trustworthy and rugged and always saying things like, “I like to smoke and Canada and claws and cool.” I saw Captain America, and Chris Evans was pretty hot (or, at least hot enough for me to have a dream about visiting a Billy Joel-themed amusement park with him and my mother), but no other comic book hero gets me all hot and bothered quite like Wolverine does. I tried to explain this to a male friend once, and he basically told me I was crazy. He later told me he had a childhood infatuation with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson, which is, actually, the exact same thing.

Think about it: most children who got on the Olson train dismounted after the twins’ finished up their straight-to-VHS series of mysteries and musical beach parties, which ultimately gave way to a very pathetic attempt at an actual film career. Not this guy. No, he followed their careers. He bought hats from their fashion line. He saw New York Minute four times in theatres. The Olson twins had a raw talent, which was simultaneously enhanced and mined by corrupt powers. The only way to achieve their true essence was to destroy their humanity, thus forming strange, otherworldly beings, who were followed and worshipped by the gays, the mentally unstable, and the socially outcast – segments of society usually drawn in by tales of a band of mutants. Wolverine’s pure strength was brought to its highest, adamantium-induced glory, but at the hands of evil scientists, thus turning him into something that was simultaneously the highest form of man and a completely inhuman creature.

In other words, Mary-Kate and Ashley are fucking X-men.

About the Ranter:

Megan_Lent

 

Megan Lent

Megan Lent is a wonderfully unsuccessful blogger who likes to whine about literature at http://apostrophetothestars.blogspot.com/, and occasionally contributes to the steamy world of small-press fiction at Metazen and Housefire. She was the 62nd best speller in California in eighth grade, and used to run a brothel out of her parents’ house in Chicago. She lives in LA.

Imaginary F**king with Megan Lent – John Cusack

Imaginary Fucking with Megan Lent – Part 3 of 4

See part 1 and part 2 of this series.

I think everyone has at least one fictional or deceased person who they’d absolutely love to bang. I have many. I know that this is weird concept. I also know that I like it. It’s like vaginas; they look like little aliens, but I still like having one. Of course, for breakfast this morning, I dipped powdered sugar donuts in a Go Girl. Just because I like something, doesn’t make it normal.

I am not an idiot. I know that John Cusack is a real person, and I also know that he is currently alive (I mean, if you consider having to pretend to like Jeremy Piven living). But I do not want to have sex with John Cusack. I want to have sex with John Cusack. I want the skinny dark-eyed Irish boy wearing a trench coat outside of my bedroom window, discussing improvements in walkie-talkie technology with Anthony Michael Hall and arguing about records with Jack Black. I want to say things like, “ooh, you can blast in MY eyes” (get it? Like Say Anything…? But with semen?) and “ooh, you can run away with MY jury” (like a vagina!) and “ooh, you must love dogs…and…like….pussy.”

I think that women such as myself who grew up surrounded by the Cus, have been spoiled for real-life romance: I only really want to date people that Johnny C has played. (Or voiced. The con man he “played” in Anastasia is kind of totally dreamy for an animated Russian.) I used to date a guy whose name was only two letters off from his sister’s name solely because this reminded me of the John/Joan Cusack dynamic. My closest male friend is pretty much Lloyd Dobler: he’s sensitive and emotional and listens to me play fake femme punk songs about boys I secretly still love, and I loaned him a pen once and he was like, “she gave me a pen and I gave her my heart,” except he didn’t say heart, he said “bagel,” but that’s beside the point. The Grosse Point Blank, if you will. John Cusack is probably an abominable human being whose onscreen persona has ruined me for actual, three-dimensional people, but I will definitely always be in love with him (or the fake-him, or whatever; this is too meta, even for me).

About the Ranter:

Megan_Lent

 

Megan Lent

Megan Lent is a wonderfully unsuccessful blogger who likes to whine about literature at http://apostrophetothestars.blogspot.com/, and occasionally contributes to the steamy world of small-press fiction at Metazen and Housefire. She was the 62nd best speller in California in eighth grade, and used to run a brothel out of her parents’ house in Chicago. She lives in LA.

Imaginary F**king with Megan Lent – Josh Lyman

Imaginary Fucking with Megan Lent – Part 1 of 4

by Megan Lent

I think everyone has at least one fictional or deceased person who they’d absolutely love to bang. I have many. Someone once referred to Voltaire as “Megan Lent’s Justin Beiber.” I don’t know if the kids still dig the Beibs (or if anyone ever actually called him “the Beibs”), but I do know that I get a total word-boner every time I talk about Candide, so it’s entirely possible that Justin Beiber was just everybody else’s Voltaire.

I know that this is weird concept. I also know that I like it. It’s like vaginas; they look like little aliens, but I still like having one. Of course, for breakfast this morning, I dipped powdered sugar donuts in a Go Girl. Just because I like something, doesn’t make it normal.

josh lymanBradley Whitford haunted my childhood as the smarmy, evil WASP who terrorized Adam Sandler in the modern horror epic Billy Madison. And then I started watching The West Wing, and my entire view of male sexiness did a 180. I mean, Josh has a receding Jewfro and dresses the way you’d think the deputy chief of staff would dress. But he’s brilliant and sarcastic and brutal and, like the rest of the supremely awesome Bartlet administration, at once idealistic and completely aware of the limitations of government. I just want to play with his hair and listen to him talk about financial policy forever and ever and ever (and maybe bring in Rob Lowe for some political sexual innuendos, wink wink.)

It is important to note that this is the only TV character I chose to include on my list of imaginary orgasm-donors, and that fact does not in any way represent how I feel about television. I love television. If I was to write a series of articles entitled “20th Century Inventions I Would Have Sex With,” television would be near the top of the list, just below the Internet, and just above the push-lamp. It’s just that I’d totally fuck Josh Lyman, but I’d never fuck Bradley Whitford. The man was on a buddy cop show with Colin Hanks, for chrissakes – and if you didn’t notice the innate douchebaggery of that premise, please reread that statement with emphasis on the phrases BUDDY COP SHOW and COLIN GODDAMN HANKS. Jesse Pinkman is basically every guy I liked in high school, Michael Bluth is a bona fide DILF, Charlie Kelly is like a walking shot of spray paint to the brain; likewise, Aaron Paul, Jason Bateman, and Charlie Day are exactly the kind of men I “accidentally run into” at the Starbucks in Studio City (never mind that I live a good thirty minutes from Studio City, or that I occasionally plan my caffeine fixes around various menfolk’s Twitter updates.) Not Whitford. Never.

But I would hide secretary Donna Moss in some White House closet just to work (or be) under Josh Lyman for ten minutes.

Louis CK Honors George Carlin

Louis CK speaks about George Carlin and the inspiration George had on his career. This was shot at a tribute ceremony for George Carlin at the New York Public Library in March of 2010. The intro is by George’s daughter, Kelly Carlin, who has been doing a lot of work supporting the comedy community and honoring her Dad.

 

 

Maurica Does Carolines – DAS IT!

maurica-das-itDitch Films Presents The Yannis Pappas Show Featuring Maurica at Carolines New York

Maurica wants a taste of the good life in Weschesta and hopes you will buy tickets to see her show Thursday, September 8th, so she can pay for her tits. Her shows for the 9th and 10th are sold out, so DAS IT!

 

 
Mauricia in her very rigorus music video, with some impressive basketball and dancing from Ted Alexandro.

 

Jarrod Harris talks Action Figure Therapy

Action Figure Therapy features action figures talking (well, mostly ranting) to therapists about their problems at work and at home. The series is produced by Dan Bialek and is co-written and predominantly voiced by one of my fav rising star Atlanta comedians, Jarrod Harris. Jarrod let me ask him a few questions about this kick-ass series he is in and his life song.

Who are the characters you voice on Action Figure Therapy? 

Jungle Recon (star of the series)

Jungles’ Grandpa (the old man)

Snow Patrol (black dude)

Nesbit Faulkner (weirdo)

Bomb Squad Betty (the woman)

Communications guy (Another weirdo)

I will be introducing some more later on too.

 

How does it feel to be on a top web video series, but continue to go completely unrecognized because it’s voice acting?

It’s good to be doing something that is growing and really can’t be stopped  That is GREAT!  It’s very frustrating when people love something you do but don’t really care that it’s you behind the thing they love so much.  It’s like being jerked off on and when everyone’s done they just leave and don’t offer shit in return.  What I’m saying is if you like AFT, COME TO MY DAMN SHOWS!  Now there are a lot of people who care enough to click on the info below the videos, find me and actually like my fan page and come to shows, and those people are amazing.  I really need people to know about what I am doing in order to keep doing comedy and not get a real job.  Hopefully, these people will stop dumping their loads and take the time to find who they been spewing on, find my fan page and start coming to shows fuck nuts!  I’m kidding but I’m kind of serious.  If you’re not going to come to a show then at the very least, let me spew on something of yours.

 

Which AFT character are you most like?

None of them.  They are just annoying people I’ve lived around my whole life.  It’s easier to make fun of them than it is to punch them.  You’ll go to jail for that.  And even though I have a good KO average, I’m not exactly prison ready.  I haven’t worked out since the 90′s and I don’t need prison rape to get in the way of my life goals.

 

You are in LA, then Atlanta, LA, Atlanta, LA, Atlanta…So are there two of you, LA Jarrod and Atlanta Jarrod? How do they differ?

I’m just me.  I don’t understand the question.  I don’t change anything about myself when I go to LA or when I am in any other part of the country.  LA Jarrod doesn’t sweat as much.

 

Most people don’t know about your past profession. What was the hardest thing about being a Vietnamese Lounge Singer?

That would probably have to be the fact that I don’t even speaking Vietnamese. :)

Visit Jarrod’s Interwebs